In Too Deep: My Compulsive Habit of Taking on Too Much Shit for My Bacon

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Have you ever attempted to stick on fake nails, shave your legs, apply makeup, AND drive all at once? Yeah… Not my proudest moment.

Ever since I could remember, I’ve had the compulsive habit of taking on far more responsibilities than my bacon could chew. Whenever anyone asked me for a favor or offered me a job of any sorts, I impulsively said “YES,” even when I knew it was unrealistic and that my anxiety would spike through the roof. 

Take the above scenario, for instance. At the time, I was tackling a grad school workload, had one full-time job and two part-time jobs, was coaching two girls’ soccer teams, and was cat-sitting my aunt’s insanely spoiled felines. My now-ex boyfriend had invited me to be his plus one for his friend’s wedding (very last minute, I might add) on a Saturday when I also had team pictures for my soccer team, a buttload of homework, cats to clean up after, and work deadlines to meet. 

Instead of saying, like a sane person, “No, I’m sorry, I just have way too much going on,” I, being me, said, “Sure, why not?” 

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So I woke up extra early, curled my hair, packed my dress, makeup, nails and razor, went to team pictures, and then set up my own little on-the-go beauty salon on my way straight to the wedding. 

I’m pretty sure there’s a fake nail somewhere stuck to the roof of my car. Can I just say that whoever invented the mechanics behind fake nails has a lot to answer for? Is that fair to say? (Like seriously, is there a handbook somewhere on how to go to the bathroom without losing a fake nail in the process?)

Anyhoo, there I was, all proud of myself (and out of breath… beauty multitasking and driving is quite the workout – DON’T DO IT), and dare I say I looked GOOD. (Aside from the blazing red razor bumps on my legs.) 

Relieved that I had made it by the skin of my teeth without looking like a hooker doing the walk of shame (or maybe I did.. I may have blacked out at some point while driving), I went to the ceremony and was ready to spend time with my boyfriend at the reception (he was in the wedding party). 

Would you believe he didn’t even say hello to me until the reception was basically over? His friends didn’t even know he was dating anyone…

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Please Don’t Overwork Your Bacon

My bacon was nothing but a nub for the longest time because I kept giving big chunks of it to people who didn’t appreciate it or to things that only exhausted me. For some reason, my obsessive compulsive disorder, Lucille, has me believe that something bad will happen if I say “no” to “opportunities” (as she calls them). She tells me, “It will all be worth it in the end.”

Um, yeah… I’m still waiting for that “end,” y’all…

“Working hard” does not mean giving away your bacon until it’s too withered to be happy. If you feel constantly anxious about all the responsibilities you have taken on, it’s probably because you’ve taken on too much. You’re bacon is screaming, “Please, Karen, DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE??”

I have news for you: 

You are allowed to breathe. 

You are allowed to relax. 

You are allowed to work hard for the things that make YOU happy. 

You are allowed to say no, even if it may be inconvenient for someone else. 

You are allowed to let yourself grow, because taking on too much shit often keeps us stuck in a place of anxiety.

You are allowed to be free.

You are allowed to just be. 

Good gracious me,

A poet, I be. 

What I’m trying to say is that you can be a good person and still say “no.” You have nothing to feel guilty about. If you’re like me, it may be the hardest thing you ever have to do. But that’s how you know it’s the right thing to do.

Although I do believe going to the bathroom with fake nails is the #1 hardest thing to do, and that definitely don’t make that right. Just sayin’.

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