Tell Me Something Good: 60 Comforting Phrases to Ease Your Anxiety and Glorify in Your Bacon

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They say good things come to those who wait. While that may be true in some cases (put the cookie down, KAREN), I have a different philosophy. I believe good things come to those who believe they are worth goodness. 

Believe it or not, as a human being – surprise surprise – you ARE worth all the goodness there is, just by the mere fact that you exist.

If you exist, you have innate worth. Sorry, there’s nothing you can do to change that. You’re amazing, get over it, and for shit’s sake, please accept it already. 

The problem, however, is that our thoughts do their darndest to convince us otherwise. “I suck at managing my finances,” “No one will ever love me,” “I’m a sucky writer,” “I forgot to put my bathing suit back on after pissing, I’m so STUPID!”

(Ignore that last one.)

We feed ourselves these negative thoughts so often that anything that comes even close to a compliment sounds like a blatant lie. But the reality is that those thoughts are actually lies that we’ve turned into our truths. They’ve become the foundation of our entire belief system, fueling our low self-esteem and heightening our daily anxieties.

You know what that means, don’t you? DING, DING! Give Karen her cookie. Yes, it means we can do the same thing with positive thoughts: feed ourselves affirmations until they become our new truths.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I don’t have anything good to say about myself.” Bullshit. What’s really happening is you think there’s some bogus jinx power or negative, egotistical stigma that comes with saying good things about yourself. Or you’re afraid someone’s going to point a giant invisible finger at you and say “FALSE! THAT’S NOT TRUE AND YOU SUCK!”

I know how challenging it is to get started. So here are some comforting phrases I use that you can borrow to get the ball rolling.

Cure Child Anxiety

60 Comforting Phrases to Start Telling Yourself

  1. I don’t have to “make” myself worthy.
  2. I don’t have to earn my worth.
  3. I is kind, I is smart, I is important.
  4. I am in control.
  5. I am worthy of love, no matter what.
  6. I don’t need them haters.
  7. My head is the only thing in my way, and I’m telling it to STEP THE HELL BACK.
  8. I am already enough. 
  9. I don’t have to “figure out” the answers; they will come to me.
  10. I am sexy and I know it.
  11. I don’t have to earn love.
  12. I am not the shit that others are throwing at me.
  13. I am not responsible for other people’s shit.
  14. I am a caring human being.
  15. I am overflowing with limitless potential.
  16. I am innately worthy of love; no one can take that away from me. 
  17. I’m allowed to just BE.
  18. I trust my gut. 
  19. I’m full of awesome, hilarious mistakes that have yet to be seen, and I’m excited to learn what they are and to learn from them.
  20. I am astoundingly imperfect, and I love it.
  21. I don’t have to wait for good things to happen; I make them happen.
  22. I have the innate power to be awesome.
  23. I am a badass.
  24. Damn, my ass is FIIIINNEE.
  25. I don’t have to overthink everything; I trust myself.
  26. I’m allowed to relax. 
  27. I’m ready to jump right in. 
  28. There’s nothing holding me back.
  29. I am the best me there is.
  30. I am not competing with anyone. 
  31. I am letting go.
  32. Seriously, look at those beautiful buttcheeks!!
  33. Nothing bad is going to happen if I stop overthinking.
  34. I don’t have to control everything.
  35. I don’t have to prove anything.
  36. By letting go of control, I actually have more control.
  37. I am a good person.
  38. I am still a good person if I say “no.”
  39. I am worth self-care.
  40. I will defy gravity.
  41. I am in the moment.
  42. Change is good. 
  43. Delicious bacon is coming my way.
  44. I don’t have to know everything.
  45. No one can change who I am.
  46. I am not bad.
  47. The world wants to see me.
  48. I don’t have to do everything. 
  49. I am worth fighting for.
  50. I am brave. 
  51. I am right on time to be AWESOME.
  52. I am talented.
  53. I am empty of all doubt. (Bye, bye doubt!)
  54. I have a shitload of confidence.
  55. Only I can do what I do the way I do it.
  56. *wink at yourself in the mirror*
  57. I am not behind; I am right where I am supposed to be.
  58. I am allowed to be happy.
  59. I am a powerhouse of goodness.
  60. I am a skillet full of show-stopping, never-before-tasted, full-of-flavor BACON.

You’re going to feel like you’re lying to yourself at first; especially if you have a lot of brainwashing, negative self-talk to clear out. That’s why repetition is so important. You’re essentially reverse-brainwashing your mind. 

No matter how silly it feels, say and write down these affirmations (and/or any other ones you come up with that give you warm, fuzzy feelings about yourself) every day, as often as you can, until they’re playing in a continuous, subconscious loop. Trust me: you WILL start noticing a shift in the Force.

Now put your bathing suit back on and start cooking that bacon.


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